general sick note 🤡

year 1 of long covid, I was practically housebound. year 2, I got the POTS diagnosis, medication for POTS, and I clawed my way outside. year 3, I got covid a second time, became twice as sick, and returned to life inside one room where I used what little energy I had remaining to write a book. Come year 4, I was dragged back out by a book tour because I was stupid enough to write a book. I’ve just entered year 5 and I have crashed big time in a way that reminds me of those dark times in years 1 and 3. I have cancelled a bunch of stuff including some national and international work trips. I’ve kept a very minimal amount of stuff still on the cards over the next four weeks, and then idk. I think I have to do the work of being chronically ill – I have to rest, have to get back to a good baseline, have to try new things to feel better, stop doing other things that make me feel worse. I am someone who always says yes to freelance work opportunities because I need to be earning money to live, but I am entering a time where I need to say no so I don’t get any sicker than I already am. I still hope the book pays off and we earn out and get royalties one day, but we wrote a book about art haha, it’s not a rom-com. So, if you are reading this because you have googled my name on a hunt for an email address to send me a work opp, still send it? I might have to turn it down if it compromises my health but it’s still nice to be thought of. I might be able to say yes if it’s accessible to the year 5 state I’m in, but we can talk about that.

I dream of residencies in Chile. I dream of getting lost in new places. I dream of patrons paying me to rest. I dream of real financial support for everybody too sick to work, who are no less deserving of comfort and food and safety and nice things. It’ll be a year more grounded in the house I’m in but hopefully it will be worth it in the end if I can have more energy to play with.